PlayStation 3
| Xbox 360
The Army of TWO franchise has always had a nugget of awesome going for
it: bro-op gameplay. If nothing else previous iterations embraced the
insane antics of leads Salem and Rios as they racked up a higher body
count than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entire back catalogue, more
explosions than Michael Bay off the studio leash and enough intimate
bromantic moments to put Crockett and Tubbs, Riggs and Murtaugh and
Lowery and Burnett to shame.
New developer Visceral Montreal in conjunction with EA Montreal
manages to recapture the death and destruction, but neglects to bring
with it the fun, well-paced action set-pieces which made the series a
guilty pleasure for action junkies, and an all-around hoot to play
through with a partner. Instead this is the blandest, most vanilla
offering yet. Ar’meh’ of TWO: The Devil’s Cartel elicits such a response
as it leaves no impression and will instantly fade from your memory
once you reach its conclusion and leave you pining for its legacy of
fist bumping lunacy, now lost.
Army of TWO: The Devil’s Cartel ditches the wise-cracking, a little off-kilter dynamic duo of Salem and Rios, head of the private military contractors Trans World Operations (TWO) for two blue-flame special rookies -- the forgettable Alpha and Bravo. The reason for this switch will become apparent very early on, as will any new characters or antagonists revealed. The plot development is laughable, the emotional delivery inconsistent and any twists and turns are so easily predicted and foreshadowed that a developing fetus could pick them in the space of two heartbeats.
That said, the franchise has never been the benchmark of Shakespearean type drama or outstanding acting. At least there has always been snappy one-liners, zingers, back-to-back killfests, fist-bumps and coordinated air-guitar riffs to dull the pain, right? In the previous versions, hell yes. In Army of TWO: The Devil’s Cartel? Hell no. All the personality, hilarity and insanity that had you shaking your head, snorting in lovable derision and hating yourself that you were smiling at such ludicrous shit has been cast by the wayside. I counted one fist-bump in the ten or so hour campaign.
Your mission objectives follow this cut-and-paste formula. Enter building via breach, wipe out all hostiles, enter courtyard, hold position, eliminate wave after wave of enemies, clear the area, approach turret, flank to kill, use turret to hold off new waves of enemies, move on. Occasionally there’ll be a variation like, hey, it’s a turret on a chopper, or, hey, we’re in the back of a van, but the overall gist remains the same. There were larger set-pieces but they didn’t carry any weight to them. It never managed to grab me by the balls and knock me for a loop. By the time I found myself moving to the final showdown (which just keeps on going for almost two hours until you reach the anti-climax) I wasn’t filled with the anticipation or exhilaration of finishing off the big bad boss man. All that resonated through my head was for fuck’s sake, will you just end already?
Enemy AI was really something to behold. For 75% of the game they either couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn or alternately managed to curve bullets around corners Wanted style. The final quarter unlocked bullshit headshot mode where all of a sudden the Cartel was trained by Seal Team Six, the SAS and Casey freakin’ Ryback. Anytime I popped my head out of cover they’d knock the majority of my health off. I don’t mind a tough firefight but maintain some level of consistency, chaps
Often cannon-fodder would simply run right at me with machetes drawn
hoping to end my life with high pitched wailing and bad breath. A dozen
shells from my upgraded automatic shotgun with dragon’s breath rounds to
the face was the only appropriate response. My favourite AI cheap shot
occurred when reviving a downed human co-op partner. They would spam
grenades whilst mid-revive and considering there’s no commando roll (a
huge oversight) it almost always lead to death followed by some of my
more imaginative and extremely colourful curses thrown at the screen in a
momentary flash of anger.
There were a few glimmers of light in the darkness. The completely
under-utilised voice acting of Stargate Atlantis’ Joe Flanigan as Salem
and The Shield’s Benito Martinez as Cartel kingpin Bautista never failed
to plaster a smile on my dial. It may be a pop-culture geeky kind of
thing, but it remained a highlight. The dragon’s breath rounds or
armour-piercing bullets unlockable for much of your arsenal also
provided a momentary respite from the overall mediocrity. The crazy
masks returned as well with some outstanding design choices.
GET THE GAME NOW !!
